As I wrote I wanted to find out what I was capable of this week. Monday started positively till 10 a.m. and on Wednesday I stopped making plans for the day. It didn’t work, I needed to much sleep and wasn’t able to concentrate. I even got headaches when I gave everything to try. I wanted it to work because I want to be able to work and do good in our society.
I also feel the pressure because my income will decrease by 30% when I’m ill for a year. It gives me stress. Before that happens my employer has to examine me if I’m capable of doing some work. I got a phone call from a colleague on Tuesday and made the arrangements for this examination he is asked to proceed. He will make the report for our employer. I find it strange to see him in this role. On the other hand, he took the time to read my blog. I hope he can help me in getting my life back on track.
The pain in my back had decreased, and I was taking fewer painkillers. The last dose I took Tuesday evening. The pain in my back is gone. I’m adjusting to my new stockings, which I wear since this week. My leg is feeling different and more painful this week.
Lucky, I felt myself when I had a phone meeting with my former coach. She ended her practice a while ago, so I hadn’t spoken to her in almost two years. It was really nice talking to her again. She got me thinking. Why does it cost me so much extra energy when I’m confronting work-related issues?
A meeting with the Resilient Future Travelers was on Thursday. I felt less able to concentrate, and I was tired after the meeting. Normally it gives me energy. Now I went to bed with an enormous headache that even kept me from falling asleep.
On Friday, all my lights shut down. I helped my daughter with schoolwork (in bed). She thought I was lazy because I was in bed a lot. She got a bit scared when I told her I was not feeling well and I need to slow things down. Maybe trying so hard is keeping me from getting better. Accepting that my body isn’t the same as a year ago is so hard. And the constant fight and feeling that I need to defend myself because of the disbelieve and misunderstanding make me even more tired. At least my INR was good today!
Friday afternoon my daughter and I went outside for a little walk, I made a simple meal, and after an evening on the couch with my leg up I got a bit more energy. So I did some reading and responding in groups that talk about blood clots on FaceBook.
